Monday, May 9, 2011

Is He a Player or the Real Deal?



We girls never want to fall for players. Why? It’s simple. They break our hearts. I am talking about the kind of players who will make you think they are the real deal and let you fall for them. One of my friends asked me to write about players' and I have got to say I thought if it was that easy to know players tricks, no girl would have fallen for a player and there wouldn’t have been those “players wanna be losers”. 

I thought it was an interesting topic so I asked some guy friends about their thoughts, read some blogs and well, I am going to tell you some insight from a book that I have read recently about relationships by Steve Harvey called “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. I thought since the author is a “he”, we could use some insight about how guys think from him. That’s what we want to know right? How do players make it happen?

Before I go any further, just know that you can completely disagree with whatever you read here. It is a bunch of opinions of different people who happened to deal with players. If you don’t like it, then throw it out of the window. No biggie.

For starters, since I am a girl and have some girl friends, I want to tell from my own view what we girls find attractive in guys which coincidently happen to be some of great traits of players. Aside from the huge list every girl has, we all like confident men. Some of us really love drama and that’s what players deliver. I will tell you later how.

Harvey mentioned in “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” how a real man should be around the woman he loves. Although I disagree with some parts in his book, I agree with this part. Here is what he said.

When he is the real deal, your man will do those three things for you:

1.       Profess: He will declare to his friends and family that you belong to him. He is proud of it and takes you everywhere to introduce you as his girl.
2.       Protect: He is ready to fight for you. It doesn’t have to be physically but he will make sure you are safe.
3.       Provide: Obviously it means financial provision, but it is not just that. It also means moral support and help as well.

So girls, take notice of those three things. A guy who loves you would do them. A player, on the other hand, not so much.

Harvey also mentioned in his book that the woman is the one who chooses whether she is a "sports fish" (play things) or a "keeper" (marriage material) by simply demanding respect. Anyways, perhaps I should mention his thoughts about this in yet another article.

Okay, so this is how a real man would be, but how about the player? Players, unlucky for us girls, possess a lot of the great traits we love at first. Notice that I said at first because after that their traits aren’t really that great. Don’t get me wrong. Players could be the best buddies with their guy friends. They could be the best at doing their jobs, sports, you name it; however, when it comes to girls and relationships, not so much.

Here are a few things a player would do

1.       Be extremely confident and bold when he approaches a girl. He would look her in the eye without a single sign of nervousness. Girls love that so they become attracted to them. See, when a guy really likes a girl, he will be nervous. That’s completely normal. So if he isn’t even a little bit tense, then, well, just take notice.
2.       Tell what a girl wants to hear. He would be confident and let her do all the talking. She will assume he is just a “great listener”. On the contrary, he wants to know what she wants so he can throw it back at her later. Sounds simple to me.
3.       Incredibly charming and uses a lot of lines on her. He would declare how beautiful she is and charm her in ways she couldn’t resist.
4.       Disappear for days without a notice and then come up with a lame excuse for why he wasn’t there. Most probably he was seeing another girl. See, that’s what I was referring to in the drama part up earlier. When he disappears, especially at first, there is excitement in the “relationship” from a girl’s side. She would be wondering why he didn’t call. Did he like me? Did I turn him off? Did I do something wrong? And the list goes on. Then out of nowhere, here he comes, calling her asking her out and telling her how great she is. She gets confused and more interested. The player never plans to make it interesting. It was just a byproduct of his lifestyle as a “player”. A girl in this case is just a booty call (sorry to say).
5.       Appears too good to be true. A player would hide all his flaws and as I mentioned earlier would “listen” more to what the girl has to say. If he looks like he is too good to be true, then most probably he is not too good to be true. No one is perfect even in the fairy tales.
6.       Calls or sees her at specific times only. If a guy is a player, he would have to keep up with more than one girl. If she has made it through the first stage, then most probably she thinks that he is the “man of her dreams”. So, in order to make sure he makes everyone “happy”, he will make a schedule. A player wouldn’t be spontaneous at the times he calls her or the times they go out together. There is always a plan. I don’t want to be unfair to non-players. Some decent men also have plans; however, a player is never flexible with their timetable and wouldn’t declare a credible reason for his rigidness. There is something else going on at the back of his head. Maybe another date?
7.       Tell lies. He will be caught telling little lies. Players always lie. This is how they play the game. Lying has become part of their identity. Some can’t help it. It happens naturally to them. So, if he was caught with little lies, the red flash should be turned on. Don’t just say it’s an innocent “white lie”. Take notice.
8.       He naturally and “innocently” flirts with other women like waitresses, the shop girl or even to her family (like cousins) in front of her. This is totally disrespectful.

Players of course have more tricks that I don’t know of. Be careful and don’t fall unless he is the real deal. Remember those three things: Profess Protect and Provide.  Feel free to disagree. =)

 Image Credits to Photographer: photostock

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